Being Single in Jakarta During My Settling Down Era
“I used to be in such a hurry all the time. Everything was so urgent. Now I figure, if it’s going to happen, it’ll happen when it happens.”
— Ted Mosby
That hopeless romantic guy from How I Met Your Mother was right.
Try to mention one dating app that I have not tried: none. Don’t get me wrong, people in dating apps are indeed very captivating. However, going on a proper date and getting to know each other are a bit too old school for lots, even most of them. It isn’t bad at all–been there, done that–I am just not there anymore.
I am entering my third year in Jakarta, living and dating here freak me out all the time, the what ifs and overthinking thoughts are not about feelings anymore but getting more murder-y instead. I undoubtedly shouldn’t be too invested in watching the Dahmer series on Netflix.
Being in my mid 20s contributes a lot to the urge of ending my slut era and starting my I-am-committed-to-you-only era. Yes, I am still frightened by the Dahmer for most of the time but I pushed myself harder out there.
And through dating apps I met someone who is obsessed with astrology, someone who is already in relationship but looking for the third person for three ways (I am honored but no thanks), a swiftie, an older swiftie, a younger swiftie, the ‘I’ll be in Jakarta for the whole week’ travel mode, the discreet celebrity, and still many more of them who are, again, very captivating indeed.
Now, I officially have ended my dating apps era (it usually lasts for around 3–9 weeks until I am on it again).
The best shot that I am left with is colleagues. People that I interact with the most on a daily basis and definitely much less creepier and murder-y compared to people that I know through dating apps. I will say that the user and HR interviews contribute to my journey of finding ‘the one’.
I hit the jackpot once and dated someone from my previous office, she is now my very first ex in Jakarta. I actually also wanted to add mutual friends before colleagues but most of them are taken anyways, and the rest are just curious. I was also thinking about hitting on a random attractive stranger at the bar or coffee shop but again…the Dahmer.
The one thing that I did not realize about being romantically involved with a colleague is it can be even more murder-y….emotionally. One day It’s cute and all, the next day I have to attend her wedding with somebody else.
Even worse, I have to meet my other colleagues there, including that one colleague I secretly have been getting saucy with. The boundary is so blurry, I might have failed to realize that I am just the work wife, not the actual wife.
The meetings and lunch times are harder these days but eventually I will get used to it. I will definitely laugh about it someday. In the next several months or years (hopefully not years), I will move to another company or continue my study outside the country. I will meet a new person and experience a whole different understanding of love and relationship.
And it feels great and right...knowing that among all the things that I am unsure about, there are still things that I am actually sure about.
